You Just Have to Laugh

Forget artificial intelligence - in the brave new world of big data, it's artificial idiocy we should be looking out for.” —Tom Chatfield

Bessie has an email address, bessiesstory@gmail.com, organized so we can conduct a dialogue with schools, libraries, senior living communities, and other entities interested in having Bessie visit and share her story about perseverance, resilience and optimism. Apparently, in the eyes of the modern world and the omnipresent Artificial Intelligence that patrols the web, this somehow means she has human decision-making capabilities and an interest in purchasing items online.  Why else would Amazon offer her the opportunity to open a Prime account?

The U.S. government has also reached out to Bess with a message that reads, Welcome to Medicare, Bessie! She has had offers for discounted hotel rooms in New York City and even received an offer to borrow money from a credit union to “bridge the financial gap caused by rampant inflation”. Bessie’s picture is attached to her email account, so apparently the relevant marketing departments are comfortable dealing with a blind, aging canine. Go figure.  How long will it be before “Alexa” is responding to Bessie’s bark?  One recent email message offered her a $250,000 life insurance policy for just $15 a month.  She’s 13 ½ years old, for goodness sake! I told Bessie she should jump on it. She also received an offer to purchase Omaha Steaks. (Bet she’d LOVE that one.)

I wonder what the response would be if I replied as Bessie to these various online offers stating, “While I appreciate your interest, I am an elderly, severely handicapped, chocolate lab. Dogs don’t have the technological skills that have complicated so many human lives. Are you still interested in adding me as a client?” On one hand I’m afraid to find out, on the other hand I’m ravenously curious.

Whatever method these web search engines used to elevate Bessie to decision making status, it’s hard not to find knee-slapping humor in the faulted process.  Is it based on the number of hits on her email address, or responses to posts on her Facebook and Instagram pages? One of her recent Instagram posts had 4,700 views. That may have put her over the tipping point. Who knows, but surely it’s only a matter of time before Bessie is offered a car loan, credit cards, and is asked to contribute to someone’s desperate political campaign.  She’s been discovered and her online address is being traded on the open market like hot cakes.

Of course, Bessie remains blissfully unaware of the digital world that is stalking her. The simple life she lives is enriched by the affection she humbly offers and accepts, along with the gratitude and appreciation she conveys daily. The primary technology for Bess is that her nose still works. That’s it, that’s all. Yet she remains a wonderfully grateful old girl without ever having received a package from Amazon.  As the holiday season unfolds, we can all learn from Bessie’s basic, heartfelt example. Through simple acts of kindness we can show our appreciation to the special people in our lives.  And…be nice to strangers, too.  No credit cards, Venmo or PayPal required.

BE LIKE BESSIE!